Posts Tagged ‘ Feminism ’

Joshua Doyle Responds To ‘Why I Quit Writing For College Times’

In  the interests of fairness, I am linking to a response to ‘Why I Quit Writing For College Times’ that Joshua Doyle published on his tumblr page. I only just became aware of it, sorry for not putting this up sooner.

 

http://joshuadoyle.tumblr.com/post/30311263997/gay-bashing

 

I don’t want to get involved in a mudslinging war with this guy, I really don’t. I obviously have a lot of issues with what he has written here, but it’s his blog, he can say what he wants. I would just like to add one small thing- the day he published this piece, he did contact me on facebook, and ask to meet.

He was very cagey in the conversation, and I felt unsure about the situation, so I said I would meet him only if he gave me a straight answer about why he didn’t attempt to apologize until after Greta let him go. He refused to do so, and so the meeting fell through. Joshua, I have no doubt that you will read this post, so when you do- be aware that that offer is still open. If you want to sort out our differences, then explain yourself and I will be more than happy to put the contents of that conversation up here. That decision is still up to you.

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Youth Defense: Challenge Accepted

You guys, we have a Serious Problem going on right now. It’s a pretty embarrassing one too. Like, not just for me, but I think for pretty much everybody who does not require watering on a regular basis.

That problem is called Youth Defense. For a Pro- Life organisation, it sure does sound a lot like children’s toothpaste, doesn’t it? But unlike children’s toothpaste, Youth Defense will not make your mouth taste like strawberries [and yet somehow protect us from cavities]. Instead they mostly make your mouth taste like bile, and bile is hard on teeth. I guess they only care about mitosis, leaving the teeth of the children of Ireland to rot and eventually dribble out of their mouths, kind of like the path Logic and Reason follow when they find themselves inside a member of Youth Defense [I jest- nothing will ever be inside a member of Youth Defense].

ANYWAY- you may have noticed their billboards around the place, proclaiming things like ‘ABORTION TEARS HER LIFE APART- THERE’S ALWAYS A BETTER ANSWER’, which I cannot argue with, depending on the question you are asking. Like, if you are asking ‘Where do you keep the spoons?’, Abortion is probably a bad answer. Similarly, if the question is ‘What is your name?’, the answer is more than likely not abortion [unless your parents are cruel and hilarious]. But always? Like, I think if the question is ‘Oh man, I don’t really think having a baby would be a solid life choice, what will I do?’, then maybe abortion is a contender. It’s probably gonna make it to the shortlist, is what I’m saying.

The thing that bothers me about Youth Defense isn’t that they think abortion is wrong- I actually have zero interest in what anybody else thinks about abortion, either way. You wanna have an abortion, go ahead, I literally do not care. My problem is that they are telling blatant lies in order to get people to agree with them. Kind of like your primary school teacher telling you to stop making faces or the wind will change and you’ll be gross looking forever. Immediately Imma call you on that, because the wind also changes when I am cheerful and yet I have Bitchface a lot of the time. You could have just said ‘stop it’, you know? This scare- mongering is super unfair on people who have had abortions. Imagine you had one like five years ago, and you are perfectly happy right now, then you see this sign that tells you your life has been torn apart and you made a bad call? That’s not sound at all. I don’t think that anybody should have an opinion about abortion, to be honest, unless it’s a personal one, because it’s a fucking personal issue, isn’t it? Something you gotta really think about, either way, before committing, and something that a motherfucking billboard with a picture of someone looking morose on it is not going to make any easier for you to decide about.

Bearing this in mind, I submit to you my counter argument to Youth Defense, and in fact all organisations that are telling women what they should or should not be growing in their inside parts. I have thought it out, spent several hours today mulling over the pros and cons of what I was saying, and now, I share it with you, in the hope that it gives you something to think about. My argument is this:

 

 

Do you know how many things are growing in your butt right now?

 

It’s A Lot.

Imma just concentrate on one, for the purposes of this discussion [and please, bear in mind that my degree is in Classical Civilisation, so my science is not entirely perfect, but my sources are real, so I guess I am hoping that by employing honesty and being able to spell the word Science I am already ahead of Youth Defense].
Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Candida albicans:
Image

Pretty impressive, isn’t it? That thing, which is a type of fungi, is in the colon of something like 80% of people right this second, just chilling the fuck out. This is also the thing that causes yeast infections, so it’s not even butt specific. Dude gets AROUND. Mostly, he just hangs out as a single cell organism in your intestinal tract, but dude can also morph into something that becomes Serious Business, like a system wide yeast infection that could fuck everything up forever, in the way that results in a bad case of death for whoever he’s growing in.

Now, here we have a human zygote:

Image

 

Now, nobody is debating that fact that this thing is also pretty fucking cool. If you make one of these and want to have a baby nine months later, you are pretty much golden. But you have to admit, it’s not quite as rad as that yeast infection up there, is it?

Lets break it down:

Can a Human Zygote grow in your butt? NO

Can a Candida albicans thing grow in your lady parts? YES

That’s 1-0

Can a Human Zygote take over your whole body eventually by fucking growing there? NO

Can Candida albicans? YES

2-0, in favour of butt yeast.

Can you have thousands of Human Zygote’s inside you at any one time? NO

Candida albicans? YES

Need I go on?

 

To get rig of a Human Zygote, you can either take a morning after pill, or, if you’ve let it grow a bit by accident, you can have an abortion, which is invasive and hard and nobody really sets out aiming to get one, but you can do it and it’s gone, problem solved.

To get rid of Candida albicans you can poop it out, or if it’s gotten out of hand, take some medicine, problem also solved.

 

And so, here is my point: Youth Defense, I am challenging you to put your money where your mouth is. And I don’t mean in another billboard campaign, I mean seriously. Step up to the plate and show the world that you are willing to practice what you preach, that you truly believe a single cell organism is the same as a Live Thing, and deserves the same considerations as one.

Essentially, if you guys are serious about the right single cell organisms have to thrive in this crazy, messed up world we live in, then I must insist that you give up pooping forever, or nobody will take you seriously. Grow your butt yeast until it takes you over, or forever be a hypocrite.

Your choice, dickheads. 

HAIR We Go Again

PUNS. I will never get over them.

 

This week, everyone is talking about body hair. Well, probably not everyone. I’m pretty sure my grandmother isn’t. But I bet if she knew what And Internet looked like she would be, because this place has just exploded with articles about that shit. I dunno why it is suddenly topical, I guess because it’s warmer and thus approaching that special time of year when you have to commit to a Summer Look, and for bazillions of girls everywhere that means pastel colours and hairless everywheres.

So I thought ‘Hey, I have a blog thing, maybe people wanna know how I feel about hair on ladies’. And then I thought ‘Of course they don’t, people only read your blog because they are searching for Amanda Brunker tit shots, it’s right there in your search terms. But it’s your blog, Fuck That Shit, do it anyway. It’s not like you get paid.’

And then I realised that if I was paid for writing this blog I would be the most deadbeat employee ever and y’all would have fired me by now.

Sorry mom, sorry god.

 

ANYWAY- we were talking about hairy bitches. Now, full disclosure, I do shave my legs and underarms, BUT I have a good reason for that, promise.

The reason is that I do not grow body hair very well. I grow body hair like teenage boys grow moustaches, patchily, over the course of several months, and the end result is still wicked unimpressive. I would legitimately love to wake up some day and have finally left puberty, with body hair all over the place that I could pointedly not shave and be proud of in the streets wearing shorts, that is The Dream. But alas, the reality is that if I don’t shave my legs, all that would happen would be that, after about a year, strangers would think I had some kind of mange or something. It is a genuine source of sadness in my life, almost as bad as my inability to grow even an unimpressive moustache.

But I love body hair on other ladies! for one thing, if you are a hairy lady, and are showing it off in public, guuuurl, Imma be checking you out all day long. You got confidence coming out the ass. If I see a lady in the street with a hairy armpit, I know she is not giving a single fuck. And to me, that pretty much means I wanna bone her. She knows what’s up [and yes I am talking about my metaphorical erection here].

BUT I know that avoiding sex with me is not the only reason ladies shave themselves. That’s probably only half the story. The other half is my girlfriend. She is totally into shaving, even though she knows I am all for her to be Wild and Free and Without Razor Burn. She’s like ‘That’s great for you and all, but this is how I like my body so this is how Imma keep it, Sound? Sound’ [I am totally paraphrasing A Lot here]. And you know what, that’s hella rad too, because she’s presenting [LOL] herself the way she wants to, and is not giving a single fuck about what I think. And that makes me wanna bone her, because confident ladies, amiright? I’m totally right.

 

Thus, here is the gist of All My Feels on the subject of body hair: If you are shaving your legs, and are thinking ‘Geez, this is awkward, and arduous, and fuck I just sliced my knee off AGAIN how embarrassing’, then don’t do it. It’s really stupid to do something you don’t wanna do just because everyone else is. People out there who are completely hairless because Sexy TV Ladies are completely hairless should try remember that Sexy TV Ladies are only hairless because Porn Ladies are hairless, and Porn Ladies are only hairless so you can properly see their ladyparts on camera, and basing any of your lifestyle on what a porn director wants to see is probably a really terrible call in life. BUT people who are completely hairless because it makes them feel good and they like it and they think it’s properly sexy should go ahead and do whatever the fuck they want.

I do reckon everyone should try being hairy at least once. There was a lady on TV this week who was all ‘check it, I didn’t know how it felt to have my own hair until I was 26’, and that’s a bit fucked, isn’t it? Like, I dunno, if you had a garden you wouldn’t get rid of the lawn unless you’d seen what it looked like first, would you? That’d just be stupid. This analogy is wicked literal.

Ultimately, it’s all about how sexy you feel. The truth is, if you are seconds from boning someone, they are not gonna change their mind because you have hair. Nobody has ever done that in the history of ever, and if they do, who the fuck wants to bone somebody who gets all the way to the naked part and then flakes over something stupid like landscaping? Nobody, that’s who. That guy was definitely not a catch.

Basically, it’s all about what makes you feel rad, as a dude or a girl or a whatever the hell you want. Hair is rad, and so is none, we are living in a diverse world, you guys. Be the raddest you you can be, and your bodyfuzz will never be an  issue, swears.

Plus, there’s  a ninety percent chance Imma wanna bone you anyway