Posts Tagged ‘ TGEU ’

I Do My Own Stunts

Dudes, have you ever just been really fucking happy, for absolutely no reason? Well fucking try that shit out, because I am here to tell you it is pretty much the raddest of all the miraculous sensations [is happiness a sensation? I don’t know, I am not a scientist. But if I was a scientist I would wear safety goggles all the time so bitches would know about my Experiments. Also, I would probably be a bad scientist].

Now, I know nobody likes to read about somebody telling them how rad their life is, that shit is minus craic. I mean, you can be totally content and comfortable with every aspect of your life, but if someone comes along and makes you read 800 words centered on how fucking deadly they are, it’s gonna harsh your buzz. ‘Gee’, you will say [you are Bobby from all educational videos made in the 50’s, by the way], ‘I sure thought I was happy living here in this Moon Tower, but now that I know all about that sighting of a nun in a sex shop [true story, happy Monday], I just feel inferior.’

But also, I kinda want to share this rad feeling with everybody. SO- I have come up with a plan. Imma make every single one of you feel as happy as I do right now, and also make you feel much better about your lives in general. I will do this merely by relating some in real life true stories of how I am messing up my own life. Specifically, how I am messing up talking to girls.

Exciting, right? Prepare to be Validated:

OK, so you guys know I volunteered at TGEU this year, and had a rad time and you should all donate to TENI this second, right? Right. A thing most of you don’t know is that not only was there a ton of learning experiences to be had there, and a lot of friends to be made, and karaoke to be sung- dudes, there were also a ton of Babes.

Babes as far as the eye could see, if the eye could only see as far away as the other side of the building. And as we all know, I have supreme difficulty with talking to Babes. I can’t do it. I see a face, and I either run entirely out of words, or I run into too many. One time in Galway at a Socs day, I accidentally called a pretty girl a cunt, and to this day I do not know why or how I managed it.

What I am saying here is I have serious game.

Anyway, so on the first day I was working registration, and it was my job to sign people up for a bus home from Mother on Saturday night. Simple! I was the last person at the desk, so I made sure to scan the line ahead, in case of Babes, so I would have time to prepare what to say [I know for most people, saying the sentence ‘Do you want to get the bus home?’ comes naturally, but what can I say, I told you I had game]. Foolproof plan, right? And it worked perfectly until some people who were asking me difficult questions about line- dancing in Dublin made me lose my concentration.

I wrote their names down on my list of bus names, and looked up… And suddenly, the roof of the nursing building parted, and allowed a single stream of sunlight to glisten on the forehead of what can only be described as the most beautiful human being that has ever existed. Angels carved that face out of my dreams, and then sent it to register for a conference in DCU, and that is how I know god is a fan of LGBTQ people. That is how I know it for a FACT.

Of course while I was thinking that, the Most Beautiful Human was just standing there, probably wondering why I was gazing into their perfect eyes and drooling slightly [and attractively].

‘Oh shit!’ I thought, ‘Fucking say something! You gotta say something oh god what is happening this silence is too long SAY SOMETHING!’ and so I said something, and I said it loudly, and it was this:


And then I died.

LOL JK I only WISHED I’d died. Instead what I did was just die internally, and that was almost as good. Eventually Bus [for of course, that became a nickname, with my friends that had no choice but to become a nickname] left, I have no idea if she ever signed up for the bus or not, but I do know this- my heart was already sad that she was leaving.

The next day, I engaged in such advanced flirting tactics as ‘hide under the table she is walking this way’ and ‘Oh shit pretend that these t shirts need to be folded again’. I was laying it on THICK. In hindsight, I don’t know why she didn’t fall for me there and then, I was being such a smooth criminal.

That night, there was a barbeque and karaoke, so naturally, we got drunk and skipped the barbeque, but arrived just in time to start the singalong party. I had a look around the bar, to see if Bus was there, so I could charm her by spilling a pint all over myself or something, but thankfully she was not, so when my mate said we should get up and do Gold Digger, I was like ‘Chalk It Down’.

And we got up, and it started, and we sang the first line before the whole audience of volunteers yelled ‘BUS’ at me… because of course that’s when she arrived. Nobody who walks in on you trying to rap along with Kanye will probably ever think you are cool again. Especially if the karaoke machine swaps the N word for ‘Figga’ and you don’t know how to process that. Should you sing anyway? I don’t know the rules.

The next night, long story short, I got very drunk at Mother and told her she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my whole life, and we danced for hours and it was rad as hell. So rad was it, that I woke up on Sunday with a big grin on my face, and the feeling that all was right with the world.

As we were tidying away all the t shirts and stuff in DCU before we left, I saw Bus walking towards me with a case. ‘You can handle this one, Dolan’ I thought to myself smugly, ‘You guys danced, you are done making a fool of yourself, and she’s about to leave with a pretty chill impression of you. Good job’. Now, for background information, I had spent the previous three days whooping and hollering and singing, so my voice was a low burr at this point. Only whales could hear me. And so it came as a huge surprise even to me when she said ‘Goodbye’, and flashed me a day- maker of a smile, and I replied ‘Bye, see you later!’, but with this guys voice:

I’m cool.

Obviously, immediately after that, I had to go and share My Gay Shame with everyone, so I went back to the Nursing building, where all the volunteers were hanging out.

‘Guess who made a fool of themselves in front of Bus [I used Bus’s real neame] today?’ I yelled.

‘She’s sitting over there’ replied Ais, pointing to Very Much Nearby.

‘Guess who made a fool of themselves in front of Bus TWICE today?’ I replied, and I knew in that moment that up until then, I had only imagined the feeling of embarrassment, and that this right here, was the Real Deal. I also knew I would never feel anything even close to that level of shame again, and so I clung to that silver lining to prevent sinking into the earth.

And Iwas right, I haven’t felt like that since.

That is, until a couple weeks later when I wrote Ais a note to go with a thing I’d borrowed from her, and the note said ‘I spent most of last night making out with someone a day older than Dakota Fanning- NO REGRETS’, just to cheer Ais up, and she took a picture of it and put it on facebook for everyone to see , includingthe aformentioned girl who  responded with ‘tell her I’m loads older than Justin Bieber, it’s fine’, which is a fairly good reaction but STILL.

Because that’s my life, apparently. A series of incredible and awesome things, joined together with intense and semi- permanent blushes.

Thanks for listening. Have a rad day.


Ain’t Nobody Got Time For This

About two weeks ago, I put up a post on this very blog, calling someone out on homophobic behaviour. The internet went crazy. It was viewed and shared more than 2000 times within the first three days of going live, and the response was overwhelmingly supportive. My friends, family, even strangers were outraged that I had been treated so badly by people who were supposed to be my bosses. And, as a direct result of me calling these people out, I have published articles all over the place. The internet exploded when I asked it to, and the good guys won. I am so, so happy about that. Thank you, everyone, for standing up for the right thing.

A while ago, GCN was running out of funding. It put out a call to arms to the LGBT community, and asked for donations. People sent in postal orders, Cormac Cashman organised a club night, Mamma’s Place existed for a while-the support was phenomenal. So phenomenal that GCN is still a thing that you can read. That’s crazy, everyone. This is a thing that exists because our community exists, we are fuelling the fire. How inspirational is that?


On August 12th this year, a huge crowd of people gathered outside City Hall, and marched to Merrion Square for Gay Marriage. Now, we might not have marriage yet, but the march keeps getting bigger, and people are noticing. Statistics tell us that the majority of people want Gay Marriage to happen, and we are confident that it will. That’s because of us, guys! We got out, we marched, we yelled, we made a difference. Our community is marvellous, and we can do absolutely anything when we stand together. From protecting me when my boss is a shithead to reversing thousands of years of religious indoctrination across the country, we are capable of huge change and unbelievable force. We are pretty much unreal, you guys.


And it’s about time we started acting like it.


Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love that we do all the stuff I just talked about. I wouldn’t change any of that for the world. But it seems to me that we could be doing an awful lot more. We are great at getting angry when the issue affects LGB people, you can guarantee that, but what about the T? You guys, we are totally ignoring the T, and it’s time to stop.

Not long ago, I was looking at a Facebook LGBT activist group I am a member of, and someone put up a complaint they had sent in about the incredibly transphobic Meteor ad. Most people who commented underneath it also thought it was a terrible ad, and were shocked that it was on television. But also, some people had this to say:

‘Good Ad though’

‘Just my two cents, but comedy is comedy. If you put minorities in a protective bubble, I believe you are marginalising them too. Everyone is subjected to some stereotypical jokes.’

Now, bear in mind these are comments from people who identify themselves as activists, they are in a group designed for activism… and they aren’t really interested in standing up for Trans* people. Just imagine for a minute that Meteor had made an ad that specifically made fun of people who identified under the Homosexual Umbrella. I can guarantee that these comments would never have been posted under that clip.


This is an attitude that you can see, in varying degrees, all the way through our society, and I think it’s time we threw some of our incredible manpower behind getting rid of it. People in Ireland do not march for Trans* rights, because they don’t understand them. They see the insults thrown at Trans* people every day, and aren’t affected by them, so they shrug them off. Fuck That Noise, we can change that.


Imagine what would happen if straight people shrugged off our calls for marriage like that. Not even marriage, because if straight people treated LGB people the way ALL people treat the Trans* community, we’d be nowhere near marriage. We’d still be working on decriminalisation. But we can fix that.


This weekend, I was a volunteer at the 4th European Transgender Council, which Dublin hosted. A thing that speakers kept saying in workshops is that Trans* rights in Ireland are at least 15 years behind Gay Rights. That really stuck with me. Up hands who remember what it was like to be gay 15 years ago? I don’t, but I am pretty sure that it wasn’t great. The Employment Equality Act wasn’t until 1998, so the records back me up on that one. And that’s the kind of environment people are happy for the Trans* community to live in now? An environment where literally no aspect of their lives is safe? Fuck That Noise. We can fix that.

Another thing that happened at the conference this year was that three delegates were subjected to Transphobic assault. They were bullied and spat on. Genuine human beings were fucking spat on by people who live in our city, and what kind of outcry did it provoke? Almost none. Nobody gave a shit. We can fix that.

We are living a country where the LGBT community is so strong, so powerful, we can fuel and fund ourselves, and yet in four months time, TENI- our only national Trans* group, which provides literally ALL the services and support for Trans* people all over the country- will have no more funding, and will disappear.

Now, I don’t wanna be a dick about this, but how many gay clubs are there in Dublin now? On any given Saturday night, there is Mother, The Front Lounge, The Dragon, The George, ALT, Panti Bar, The Wilde Venue, BBC every now and again- all drawing a crowd. Clearly, we are not a community which is incapable of spending. But TENI is almost out of money. Doesn’t that seem, I don’t know, INCREDIBLY FUCKED UP to you?

This is not an organisation that is superfluous. While we are marching for marriage- a human right we think everyone should have- the Trans* community is fighting for gender recognition, otherwise known as ‘being legally recognised as the person you actually are’. That seems like a human right to me, why don’t we try marching for that, too? And while we’re at it, why don’t all you wonderful activists out there join TENI, and pay a tenner instead of a euro when you do it, because that is probably the most necessary tenner you will be spending today. Isn’t it rad to change the world?

Did you know that at the conference this weekend, we had the very first ever rally for Trans* rights in Ireland? Putting aside the fact that it is incredibly late for this to be a thing that is just starting to happen, it was a thing that was advertised all over Facebook and Twitter, and yet nobody from outside the conference came. No allies from the LGB community, no straight people who think that the government should allow people to be themselves, just Trans* people, supporting each other, because nobody else ever does.

I am mad as hell that this is the case. I am angry that all of the incredible, beautiful people I met this weekend do not get legal recognition in my country. I’m angry that the welcome they got on the one night they left the safety of the nursing building in DCU was literally a spit in the face. I’m angry that TENI has to run table quizzes and beg for money, and still not receive it, and still puts on the happiest face and organises conferences like this one, still operates groups all over the country, still saves lives. I’m angry because soon it won’t be able to anymore. I’m angry because most of you still don’t care.

Equality isn’t a thing you and pick and choose from, you guys. We either all get it, or none of us do. So please, stop leaving so many members of our community 15 years behind. This year, Dublin Pride is running a competition for a theme. Make it be Trans* Rights Are Human Rights. Make that be the theme not just of the parade, but of the year.

Donate to TENI, spread the word, get up and support your brothers and sisters. They support you.

Here’s the link: